Antidepressants are a pretty loaded subject to talk about for a lot of people. Whether they would admit it or not, going on medication is essentially an admission of being ‘cuckoo’; even if it is the rough equivalent of taking medication to regulate your blood pressure. The brain is just an organ like any other, but the idea of the brain needing help absolutely mystifies people, and that mystery breeds judgement and misunderstanding of the unknown.
Antidepressants work essentially by balancing neurotransmitters in the brain. There’s different kinds; SSRIs, SNRIs, MAOIs, and Atypical and Tricyclic Antidepressants. I’m not going to get into them now, but if you want to read a little bit about them, you can here. The first two on the list are often what are prescribed by psychiatrists, because they are deemed to be the safest with the fewest side-effects. Most people usually strike gold on their first try; about 60% people find success with the first antidepressant they try, while others will usually need a couple of tries to get things right.
When I went on antidepressants a few years ago, I didn’t really know what to expect. I didn’t know much about them; I just knew that I needed help to deal with what was going on in my mind. I expected it to kick in almost immediately, even though I had been told it would take a couple of weeks. In my heart of hearts, I expected the sun to finally shine through the cloud of my mind. But it wasn’t like that. The medicine took effect a lot like falling asleep; I was ready for it to happen, but could never pinpoint exactly when it did.
For what felt like the first time in years, I was myself. The pit in my stomach lifted, the choking in my throat eased up and I stopped feeling like I was on the precipice of a depressive spiral. It’s not like I was suddenly the pinnacle of mental health in a fortnight, it took a long time. In a little more than half a decade, the frequency and intensity of my bad spells has lessened. Depressive episodes that left me bedridden for a week, were now relegated to an unpleasant evening. Spirals that made their presence known almost thrice a month, now reared their ugly heads only once every couple of months.
There has been a price to pay though. Before I started medication, my doctor explained what I could expect. She said that if my emotions were on a spectrum of 0 to 100, the medication would limit that spectrum to 20 to 80. This meant that while my mind would never plummet into a seemingly bottomless abyss, it would be equally difficult for me to feel true elation or exuberance. It took time for the oscillation of my emotions to steady, but it did over the course of a few years. There was some experimentation with the right dosage; too low a dosage sent me spiralling down a hole, too high a dose left me feeling like I was functioning on autopilot, present but unaware. But that experimentation was vital, because it helped me arrive at the right balance, with it also acting as a metric for progress, as my dosage gradually reduced over the years.
That’s the thing about going on medication, you can’t go into it expecting a quick fix. Whatever neurotransmitter imbalance needs fixing takes time, because it was not thrown askew overnight either. Any vast, rapid changes in these levels just wouldn’t be healthy, so it makes perfect sense that antidepressants gradually balance out any imbalances. The medication by itself was only so effective, I could not have made a proper recovery without intensive therapy and gradual lifestyle changes that I’m still working on even today, more than half a decade later. I don’t believe antidepressants are a cure for clinical depression, rather they can act as a tool that can facilitate healthy recovery.
Unfortunately, there is not just mystery, but also a lot of shame surrounding the need for medication. But just like a decongestant or an antibiotic for a gastric illness, antidepressants are just a medicine that serve an important purpose. That purpose is perhaps the most important of all. Anyone who has suffered from depression knows that while it is an illness of the mind, it pervades every other aspect of our life. It can be all-encompassing, frightening and torturous to endure. If one medication can begin the healing process, then doesn’t it merit a chance?
The prospect of going on antidepressants can be frightening, understandably so. After all, it is a medicine that directly influences the chemical balance of the mind. Antidepressants though, especially SSRIs and SNRIs in particular, are almost entirely free from side-effects and can create a mental environment that might allow you to finally have the clarity and direction to start living again. All it needs to work is consistency and patience.
I'm not a medical practitioner, I just have some experience with antidepressants I found worth sharing. Please don’t even consider the possibility of self-medicating. Any medication of this sort must be taken under the guidance or supervision of a psychiatrist. Any trepidation you may have are extremely valid, but instead of letting them dictate what you need, speak to a doctor and address your concerns at length. Misinformation, stigma and prejudice should not stand in your way to mental wellness.
If you are taking/have taken antidepressants in the past and are comfortable sharing your experience, drop a comment below. What you share may give a person the courage they need to seriously consider antidepressants as an option.