Over the last half a decade or so, my journey of self-improvement has taught me quite a few things about myself and human nature. One of those things is that, in the mind, there is no force perhaps more powerful than the power of denial.
We’ve all thought stuff like this before; “That’s impossible!”, “What absolute nonsense!?”, “This isn’t my responsibility.” But then time passed, and you finally learned to accept that it was possible, it wasn’t nonsense and that it was very much your responsibility. Denial is the antithesis of growth. Denial is the mind’s tool to keep you stuck in place, to prohibit growth and have the rest of your life pass you by, while you sit with your arms crossed and your brow furrowed. But the power of denial goes far beyond that.
More often than not, denial manifests as a coping mechanism; to help you deal with things you aren’t ready to confront just yet. The idea of actually confronting mental issues can be a daunting one, especially if you don’t have the right tools to address them. So in cases like that, we would do what anyone would; we would bury it. That’s when denial kicks in, once something’s buried, it’s just easier to pretend it doesn’t exist.
But the thing is, denial is like an open wound, it festers and just gets worse over time and makes things that much harder to manage. Events in your life that have nothing to do with what you’ve buried start to take on new meaning. More and more things trigger an emotional response, an erratic reaction to seemingly inconsequential events. Our minds are fantastic liars; they trick us into believing things that just aren’t true and rob us of any urge to change or grow. In my life, I have seen denial ruin marriages, friendships, relationships, and a deeply embedded sense of denial almost cost me everything.
I’ve spoken at length about the nature of my depression in the past. I became depressed when I was around 16, but I didn’t get diagnosed till I was 20. I went through a lot in those 4 years, but I either cast it aside or buried it deep; disguising my denial as progress. I chose to ignore my prolonged breakdown; labelling it as an ‘overreaction’ and ‘unnecessary’ response to the events of my life. I kept telling myself that as I lashed out at friends and family, and as my emotional stability became as fragile as a dandelion in a hurricane. As the weeks of irrationality turned into months, I turned my frustrations inward. Why was I acting like this? Why was I being so dramatic? Why couldn’t I just be normal? By the time I started asking myself these questions, my mind had convinced me that my denial was fact, that I was completely fine at the end of the day.
As I became more within myself, my relationships improved and I became far more “normal”, at least in front of people. But in the moments I had alone, I struggled to make peace with myself, as joy, happiness, frustration, all feeling gradually began to fade away. This denial became a part of my mental illness, and it existed solely to prevent me from accepting my truth; I was clinically depressed.
Pretty much every 12-step program out there starts with admitting and accepting that you have a problem. The path to wellness and peace begins with breaking down the walls of denial and dealing with the events of the past and the present. My denial convinced me that by burying things within myself, I was moving past them, when in fact I was poisoning my mind.
Denial is poison. Not only does it prevent growth, it systematically breaks down what already exists. To live in denial is to live half a life, fuelled by lies and self-deception. Facing the truth is rarely an easy task, but it’s a necessary one. Call it the antidote to denial if you must. There’s a popular saying, “The truth will set you free”, but a more accurate statement would be that the truth will let you grow. Denial is sitting inside a dark box; the truth is laying under the canvas of a vast sky; take your pick.
Have you been completely honest with yourself? Is there someone you love hiding behind denial, not quite ready to face the truth? Share your comments and experiences below!
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