This article is courtesy our guest writer, Ishi Shandilya!
Have you ever started watching a show, and heard the title sequence play over and over so many times that now when you wake up every morning, it feels like yet another episode is going to kick off? After the title sequence plays to you kicking off your blanket and obsessively searching for your phone till it falls from the blanket with a “thunk”?
I’ve been watching the Criminal series for the past few days. If the above hypothesis is true, you know what that means - recently, every day of my life looks like a new ominous episode of some criminal interrogation. Or at least it feels like it does.
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The set-up is pretty simple - I play the interrogator’s part, and the suspect is...well, me. It starts with the usual brief introduction. I’m Ishi Shandilya, a brand-new graduate who’s recently moved back in with family amidst the pandemic. I’m working from and for home, while trying to exercise and eat healthy - but the ground reality is that I wake up to miss breakfast and I sleep after having spent at least 3 hours being the only one awake in my household.
Next come the accusations - what am I doing? If I strip down all the chores, hobbies and social necessities - how am I really exercising my productivity or making myself useful? What am I learning on a daily basis?
Now if these questions are asked in a carefully measured quantity, they make for great self-reflection, no doubt. But if you take it on your plate like I take cheese on my pasta (hint: shitloads) then it’s bound to start affecting you on a subconscious level. Like many other parallels, the difference between pushing yourself to work harder and constantly bringing yourself down is the perspective of introspection. Even simple tasks like being able to plan your day effectively or even just trying to take a nap become so much more difficult. In the last few weeks, I have realised that I have constantly been feeling guilty about trying to watch a movie, read a book, go for a walk or even sleep at night purely because I haven’t done anything productive enough that warrants a well-deserved break.
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I haven’t snapped out of this ‘phase’ just yet. You see, as I write this article I am also a reader of it, just like anyone of you will be. Through the perspective of someone who’s reading these words as they sip on chai or lie in bed, I want to say to the writer - “In the process of wanting to grow more, don’t give up on the things you need to replenish yourself. Burning out looks different for everyone. Only if you take care of yourself, will you be able to achieve the goals you have set your eyes on.” It only just hit me - sometimes I tend to not care as much for myself as I would for other loved ones. And that really puts things for me into perspective.
As I haven’t grown from this particular stage in life, I do not have a hard and fast method to cope with it or rather, nip it in the bud. But something I have tried and it has worked for me is - I try and look back on the entire year to see all the new things I have tried, accomplished and loved being a part of. From cooking up a storm almost every day in the kitchen, to even having a job that I’m constantly working towards getting better at - all of it makes me realise that I am doing my bit. I’ve also actively made it a goal to read and listen to more of what matters to people, and make note of quotes that help me look at things differently. (like this one)
Thank you for reading this, I hope it helps!
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What would your life be if it was a TV show?
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