The first time I went in for therapy, I was petrified and really didn’t know what to expect. I knew I had problems that required addressing, and I also knew I couldn’t continue living the way I was. So I went into my first appointment with as open a mind as I could muster. I did some Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, but this isn’t about that. This is about something my therapist told me in our first meeting. I don’t remember exactly what she said, but it was something along these lines, “You have spent your life living a certain way, it’s like your brain is in automatic and I need to bring it back to manual, sort of like a car.”
This was the first time anyone had compared my mind to an automobile, but in that moment it made a ton of sense. Over the years, I’ve found that it was the best piece of advice I have ever been given. The events that landed me in therapy did not take place overnight, it happened over a period of months, years and with every passing day, it changed my mind’s response to these situations. But without professional intervention of any sort, I did whatever I could to cope, and more often than not, my coping mechanisms weren’t the best. I try not to beat myself up over it, because those coping mechanisms, flawed or not, got me through some of the toughest phases of my life.
But see, that’s the thing. Life isn’t always a crisis, sometimes it’s great, other times its downright mundane. The day-to-day gets harder to handle when your mind is always in crisis-aversion mode. Not only is it downright exhausting, it strains every relationship you have and makes it almost impossible to just…live. The only thing harder than building a coping mechanism, is learning how to dismantle it.
What my therapist described to me in our first appointment together was essentially metacognition; the awareness or understanding of your own thought process. It is basically asking yourself, “Why do I do the things I do?” It’s super meta, but well, it’s in the name. In asking myself this one question before reacting, it became a lot easier to identify my shortcomings. It wasn’t a massive game-changer, but that 1 second I took was enough for me to understand why I coped with things the way I did. But perhaps more importantly, it helped me learn just how my actions were impacting the people around me. Dealing with mental trauma or illnesses can be a painful, isolating experience, so it becomes easy to lose sight of how what you’re struggling with inside, can hurt the people around you.
You know how people often tell you that when you’re angry, take a deep breath before you respond so you don’t say something you don’t mean? This is kind of like that, but for everything. That 1 second can make all the difference between sowing the seeds for conflict versus repairing the relationships you have with the people around you and the one you have with yourself. Therapy can be a lifesaver, and if you’re struggling I would highly recommend it. People love saying “it’s all in your head”, like it doesn’t really matter, but acting like your mind doesn’t matter is just ridiculous. Mental illness is no different from a sore throat. Think of therapy as gargling for your mind.
I found approaching things from a metacognitive perspective was the key to helping me improve my mental health and overall quality of life. Over time, it also became easier to spot when I was on the verge of developing unhealthy coping mechanisms, so instead of letting these mechanisms dictate my behaviour, it was finally possible to actually start living once more.
You deserve more than to just get by and see the next day. Whatever mechanisms you developed may have once served a purpose, but they don’t have to define you. It’s a long, arduous way back to normalcy, but if adopting a metacognitive approach can help, then it’s worth a shot.
If you’re contemplating going to therapy, but have any fears or trepidation, don’t hesitate to get in touch with us. If you want resources to help you cope with whatever you’re dealing with in a healthy manner, we’re here for you. Everything you feel is absolutely valid, regardless of what anyone says, because at the end of the day, the only person who has to deal with you, is you. Find what works for you, and give yourself the time you need to heal, and always remember; you’re doing great, even if it doesn’t always feel that way.