I spent the first half of my final year planning for all that would happen in the second. I had events followed up by bigger events in the first few weeks of my final semester. After those, the plan was to have some fun, party and have a great farewell, ace my finals, and finally get out of there. I’m sure this sounds familiar to many of you. Especially, to those of us who didn’t get to have that considering the pandemic this year. However, what I was really looking forward to after leaving college was a break.
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I was constantly swamped with everything I was up to inside and out of college and the hope was to have a job in place by the time I left. All so that I could have a two-month break with no worries until I had to jump into the real world. I had it all planned out, this break was supposed to be all about travel, food, a carefree attitude, but most of all rejuvenation, after three years spent with my longest break being 12 days at a stretch. It was going to be everything I needed to be ready for the ‘real world’.
However, as I made my way back home prematurely, all of this was cancelled. No graduation trip, no vacation, and worst of all no job. This meant that once my online assignments and semester ended, the first thing I needed to do was, look for employment, and that’s exactly what I did. So once school ended I started freelancing and interning. While I still am looking for a full-time job, this has been my placeholder so far. It acts as my way of keeping busy and somewhat employed until I find my place somewhere else. I also stay busy helping out around the house, running this blog, and stressing about the current state of the world.
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What frustrates me most, however, is how much I was looking forward to that break. How I was aware of how much my mind craved that sort of rejuvenation and how it was taken away from me, travel bookings, and all. How it was so important to me, despite not actually getting to have that experience. How without that, I haven’t been able to create that space for rejuvenation and getting over that part of my life to make way for more. While keeping in consideration the most generous offer I have had to move in with my sister, I feel like a piece has been moved out of my path. I struggled to come up with a plan which I knew would truly benefit who I am as a person and it didn’t work out. Now, with the lack of response from the world around me, it feels as though maybe nothing will.
I don’t know where I’m going from here. I want to manifest a job that I love into the world, but I won’t bank on it. What I do know however, is that I am trying my best to make that hopeful manifestation a reality and that I am doing everything in my capacity to stay active and happy. Working on this blog, working on other projects, and a plethora of things that may not keep me physically moving from one place to another but it is something to keep my fingers moving across the keyboard and away from my eyes fixated on one spot on the screen with Netflix on loop.
I think that’s all we can do at the end of the day; just try. Keep plugging away till something changes in your favour.
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