Have you ever taken one of those “what is your love language” quizzes and then had a lot of revelations about your friendships and relationships? What did it mean to you when you realized that your love language is quality time?
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Quality time has a different meaning for each person. While it is defined as the time that you spend with someone, giving them your full attention; it also means learning what kind of attention you want and what you are giving in return. Today, it has become harder than ever to create a space for undivided time. We have these mobile devices that keep us connected and often distracted from what is right in front of us; the friends and family that deserve this attention.
How do we give full attention when it is inherently divided? Is watching a movie the same thing as a meaningful conversation, and what does it mean to unwind in the company of another, just being there but not really?
Being present for someone and spending quality time inherently means that all of us need to consciously learn to turn off our off switches. We have learned to block out the stimuli that come to us from hundreds of places like advertising and the internet but in that process, we block out other familiar sounds such as those of the people closest to us. We need to remember to stay switched on in comfortable spaces and make the effort to be there at that time with those people.
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For example, since being in the same room and providing undivided attention to friends thousands of kilometers away is no longer possible, it does not take the need and place for quality time off the table. Being able to give an ear to listen, providing words of affirmation, being aware and reacting to situations, and giving and receiving gifts and services is a great place to start in this process. Remind yourself that, that sort of touch is the best substitute for your usual high-fives, hugs, and kisses.
For me, I miss just talking to people without the burden I feel of a screen between us. I miss ending conversations when they have carried on for as long as they need and not when my hands are tired of holding my phone or my battery is running out, and most of all I hate that quality time in 2020 needs to be so scheduled. On the other hand, though, I have been able to, and am grateful for this time to rekindle quality experiences with some of my family.
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What do you miss about quality time as it once was?
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